We’ve all been there.
Probably more than we wish or care to admit.
You’re looking in the mirror and hate what you see.
Or you walk in a room and instantly rate yourself to all the other girls in the room, you usually feel worse after that too btw.
Self-confidence. That’s something we hear about a lot I feel like. Everyone tells you to love yourself, but what if you just don’t?
I’ve struggled a lot with liking myself. I don’t even just mean the way I look but liking my style, or my jokes, or how I act in a crowd.
Unfortunately it’s a struggle most have to endure while they’re young. Luckily, If you work on it, it slowly takes less hold of you as you get older. I’m in my early 20’s now and I don’t feel pretty everyday and sometimes my outfit makes me feel so uncool, but those days are happening less and less and I’m happy to say GOOD RIDDANCE to them!
Comparison is the thief of joy and that is one of the truest things ever said. You walk into a room feeling like you look cute but you see a girl on the other side and she has really cool platform tennis shoes, suddenly you feel like your outfit isn’t special at all. Next thing you know you can’t stop watching what she does and you compare yourself down to her nail polish. 10 minutes ago you were feeling good and laughing with your friends...now you feel disgusting and want to go home. All because you let comparison take away your joy of being yourself.
If you’re reading this and are relating, I'm very sorry. I know how painful feeling like this can be.
Every time I walked into a room my first couple thoughts were
"I'm the ugliest person in this room"
"I'm the dumbest person in this room"
"I feel so different from everyone else"
And those were my thoughts for about 19 years.
When I was a junior in college, me and my boyfriend went to a concert. It was in a cool venue and the music was great. But I absolutely hated my outfit. It was one of those really bad nights, my confidence was totally gone. I picked myself apart in my head and I let it make bring me to a terrible place. I sat in the car on the way there while tears fell down my face.
I hated myself.
At the concert I didn’t sing, I didn’t dance, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. And what could have been a beautiful night with my boyfriend ended in me crying and not enjoying one minute of the night. I regretted it the whole next day. “How could I ruin the whole night like that”?
I look back and my heart breaks for that girl. I’m so sorry that I hated myself so much that I couldn’t enjoy so many wonderful opportunities and experiences.
You have to stop comparing. It’s really hard to do and it takes so much practice but it’s a cycle you must break. Everytime you compare, replace that thought with “I like who I am” “her beauty does not take away from mine” “I am enough”.
Everyone says “Love who you are, focus on yourself, do you” and those things aren’t inherently bad, but they aren’t the answer. Most of us are actually way too self-focused. It's constantly thinking about yourself that makes you micro aware of everything you’re doing and even more self-conscious.
Volunteer somewhere, do something special for someone else. Let your mind take a break from constantly thinking about YOU. It’s refreshing and gives you perspective.
I don’t have some magic cure for this, although I really wish I did, but here are some tips I hope you take and implement.
Unfollow every girl that makes you feel ugly. That Instagram model who is twice your age and has had professional photographers take every picture is doing nothing but feeding your self hate. I’ve had to flat out block accounts because I would stalk them and by the end I felt worthless.
Don’t make self deprecating jokes, even in your head.
It might sound super weird, but say daily encouragements to yourself when you first wake up -- before you get ready. Say things like “I like who I am”, “I’m perfectly myself and that’s good”, “I’m loved, worthy, special”. If you know Jesus, this might be a good time to pray, thank Him for making you the way you are, and praise him for His goodness.
Don’t let people who tear you down get close to you. If you have a friend who makes fun of your weight or acne, put some healthy distance between you two. You don’t have to cut them out of your life completely, but they do not need nor deserve to be your BFF.
Surround yourself with positive, authentic people. Having a community is so important and it really is a gift if you can find it. But don’t be discouraged, if you don’t have it, you can still succeed in your life journey.
This isn't a magic potion, but it's a place to start. Practice these things and you'll see slow improvements.
Know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Every inch of you is exactly how it was intended to be. Start practicing and I promise, in a couple years you will love yourself and accept yourself so much more than you do right now.
I believe in you and I know you can create a healthy view of yourself.